The quirky truth: Time to get fit

Weight and bad eating habits are something I have struggled with for so many years. I have a size 10 figure but am a size 14. I am naturally curvy and feel blessed to have these curves, a classic 1950's woman.

I really don't like when I hear people say "oh but Leis, you've had kids." I don't use that as an excuse for myself ever. Of course your belly stretches, you loose some boob mass and maybe collect some stretch marks along the way. Although I have all of these, I have been a size 10 after having both children.

My weight gain is due to being a naturally lazy person and having an over powering sweet tooth. I almost feel like I have a bad 7 year olds palate.

The more crap I eat, the more I seem to crave?

I was around 25 when my brother said "Leisa under that fat you have a great body."

My brother has been very interested in fitness for such a long time. I always wished I had his energy and also his metabolism. By no means was he being unkind. I think it is something only family could get away with, and I know this was his way of waking me up and helping me. He always wanted to help me lose weight and get healthy. Sadly I was too depressed to care about those things.

At my heaviest I was 84 kilos and for my smallish frame this is quite large.

Throughout my entire 20's I struggled with chronic depression (that's a whole other post) and I ate so much. I'm like Oprah but obviously not black and have heaps less money than her. I was always envious of those people that were going through hard times and lost weight because they were so stressed. I not only was depressed in my 20's but I was mostly overweight and struggled with low self esteem.

I have been rid of anti depression medications for 4 years I guess and have never felt better. In 2010 I lost 8 kilos or so and I think after giving up smoking a good year ago some of that might have come to re visit.

I wish my self esteem was better. My personal self esteem is great. I know I'm awesome ha ha. I know I'm a good person,a great listener and friend, hilariously funny and entertaining. I'm a great mum and wife. But when I look at photos and see my reflection, sadly its not a warm feeling i get.

Don't get me wrong, Im not on some huge mission to look like a Victoria Secret angel. I just simply want to feel good about my self. I want to enjoy exercise and eating healthier and look in the mirror without all that yucky self talk. I would like body parts not to wobble and jiggle so much. I want to be ok with people taking my photo.

I have so many photos of my self with my little children that I hate looking at because i think that's not me. Im not that chubby person. I guess if you knew me this might sound ridiculous but please don't get me wrong. In no ways am i a vain or pretentious type of person. I don't need to be one of those women that men and women think "Fuck off that chick's hot".

I really don't care to much about what people see or think of me. I'm doing this for myself. I believe you only can do things for yourself. If you try to lose weight or give up smoking for example, for someone other then yourself I think there is a huge chance of potential failure.

I think my biggest issue is yes what i see in the mirror but also how i feel. I feel like shit my back hurts, my legs hurt and if i dare do any exercise i feel sore for days. Im so unfit.

Just this week i have made some great changes I finally joined the Samba group and made a promise to myself I would do some form of exercise every day and stretch.