A 10 year wedding anniversary by the river.

 

Last Sunday was a very special day for Ben and I. It was our 10 year wedding anniversary. We organised a picnic by the river to celebrate this day with our beautiful friends. The day couldn't have been more perfect. It was everything I imagined- great friends, yummy vegetarian food (all made by friends), the sounds of happy children, music, laughter and some tears. 

Although we have only known these people for a year somehow it feels like they have been in our lives for so much longer. It's really special that our friends were all able to share this day with us. We don't hold marriage of a greater importance than not being married but it was a pretty good excuse to share the love and have a great celebration.

I wrote a three page open letter to my incredible husband, and read it out to him in front of all of friends. I tried my best to get through it without falling apart and I did pretty well. I was brave and felt strong even with tears streaming down my face. Although I had a friend on hand to read this letter if i was to fall apart, I soon discovered I needed to read it till the end. We both thought it would be a little weird if she was to read it, for her and for Ben.

It's hard to sum up how much you love and adore someone in three pages. Apparently I did a great job. Ben isn't the public speaker kind and I don't need him to tell me in front of everyone how much he loves me. He shows and tells me how much he loves me everyday. 

A part of me would love to share my open letter but I wont, It's probably a little private for the web. Although I can share a little snippet: 

When I lost my pop at 14 I thought that was it for me. I never thought I would feel that love again. I know he sent me you, he knew you were the right person for the job. I sometimes think I am not worthy of the love you give me.

I knew Ben had planned something special, what I thought he might have planned was so off the mark. After I spoke, He stood up and gave me a drawing he had been working on. It was a portrait of me. Amongst other things Ben is a great artist and this is something he hasn't pursued since before we even met. I always wanted him to draw me, so you can imagine how happy and surprised I was when he gave me this gift. 

We consider ourselves pretty lucky to have something as special as what we have. We know this kind of love is rare.

It hasn't been all roses at all. It has been so much hard work, growing together and trying to blend together. 

I will never have the right words to tell this man how much I love him. He is truly an amazing human being and an incredible husband and father. 

I want to thank all my special friends and their children for spending the day with us and contributing. Thanks to my gorgeous friend Jay from and the trees for the lovely photos, although I dont like that Jay isn't in any of them. Next time I'll be sharing that amazing camera of hers. 

Leis :)

Time to get fit

Weight and bad eating habits are something I have struggled with for so many years. I have a size 10 figure but am a size 14. I am naturally curvy and feel blessed to have these curves, a classic 1950's woman.

I really don't like when I hear people say "oh but Leis, you've had kids." I don't use that as an excuse for myself ever. Of course your belly stretches, you loose some boob mass and maybe collect some stretch marks along the way. Although I have all of these, I have been a size 10 after having both children.

My weight gain is due to being a naturally lazy person and having an over powering sweet tooth. I almost feel like I have a bad 7 year olds palate.

The more crap I eat, the more I seem to crave?  

I was around 25 when my brother said "Leisa under that fat you have a great body." 

My brother has been very interested in fitness for such a long time. I always wished I had his energy and also his metabolism. By no means was he being unkind. I think it is something only family could get away with, and I know this was his way of waking me up and helping me. He always wanted to help me lose weight and get healthy. Sadly I was too depressed to care about those things.

At my heaviest I was 84 kilos and for my smallish frame this is quite large. 

Throughout my entire 20's I struggled with chronic depression (that's a whole other post) and I ate so much. I'm like Oprah but obviously not black and have heaps less money than her. I was always envious of those people that were going through hard times and lost weight because they were so stressed. I not only was depressed in my 20's but I was mostly overweight and struggled with low self esteem. 

I have been rid of anti depression medications for 4 years I guess and have never felt better. In 2010 I lost 8 kilos or so and I think after giving up smoking a good year ago some of that might have come to re visit. 

I wish my self esteem was better. My personal self esteem is great. I know I'm awesome ha ha. I know I'm a good person,a great listener and friend, hilariously funny and entertaining. I'm a great mum and wife. But when I look at photos and see my reflection, sadly its not a warm feeling i get.

Don't get me wrong, Im not on some huge mission to look like a Victoria Secret angel. I just simply want to feel good about my self. I want to enjoy exercise and eating healthier and look in the mirror without all that yucky self talk. I would like body parts not to wobble and jiggle so much. I want to be ok with people taking my photo. 

I have so many photos of my self with my little children that I hate looking at because i think that's not me. Im not that chubby person. I guess if you knew me this might sound ridiculous but please don't get me wrong. In no ways am i a vain or pretentious type of person. I don't need to be one of those women that men and women think "Fuck off that chick's hot". 

I really don't care to much about what people see or think of me. I'm doing this for myself. I believe you only can do things for yourself. If you try to lose weight or give up smoking for example, for someone other then yourself I think there is a huge chance of potential failure. 

I think my biggest issue is yes what i see in the mirror but also how i feel. I feel like shit my back hurts, my legs hurt and if i dare do any exercise i feel sore for days. Im so unfit.

Just this week i have made some great changes I finally joined the Samba group and made a promise to myself I would do some form of exercise every day and stretch.

These photos of me when I'm nearly at my heaviest.

This is me in a size 8 Dress, I have no need or expectation to ever wear a size 8 again.

I just thought it was a good comparison. 

So wish me luck for operation GET FIT AND HEALTHY!