A 10 year wedding anniversary by the river.

 

Last Sunday was a very special day for Ben and I. It was our 10 year wedding anniversary. We organised a picnic by the river to celebrate this day with our beautiful friends. The day couldn't have been more perfect. It was everything I imagined- great friends, yummy vegetarian food (all made by friends), the sounds of happy children, music, laughter and some tears. 

Although we have only known these people for a year somehow it feels like they have been in our lives for so much longer. It's really special that our friends were all able to share this day with us. We don't hold marriage of a greater importance than not being married but it was a pretty good excuse to share the love and have a great celebration.

I wrote a three page open letter to my incredible husband, and read it out to him in front of all of friends. I tried my best to get through it without falling apart and I did pretty well. I was brave and felt strong even with tears streaming down my face. Although I had a friend on hand to read this letter if i was to fall apart, I soon discovered I needed to read it till the end. We both thought it would be a little weird if she was to read it, for her and for Ben.

It's hard to sum up how much you love and adore someone in three pages. Apparently I did a great job. Ben isn't the public speaker kind and I don't need him to tell me in front of everyone how much he loves me. He shows and tells me how much he loves me everyday. 

A part of me would love to share my open letter but I wont, It's probably a little private for the web. Although I can share a little snippet: 

When I lost my pop at 14 I thought that was it for me. I never thought I would feel that love again. I know he sent me you, he knew you were the right person for the job. I sometimes think I am not worthy of the love you give me.

I knew Ben had planned something special, what I thought he might have planned was so off the mark. After I spoke, He stood up and gave me a drawing he had been working on. It was a portrait of me. Amongst other things Ben is a great artist and this is something he hasn't pursued since before we even met. I always wanted him to draw me, so you can imagine how happy and surprised I was when he gave me this gift. 

We consider ourselves pretty lucky to have something as special as what we have. We know this kind of love is rare.

It hasn't been all roses at all. It has been so much hard work, growing together and trying to blend together. 

I will never have the right words to tell this man how much I love him. He is truly an amazing human being and an incredible husband and father. 

I want to thank all my special friends and their children for spending the day with us and contributing. Thanks to my gorgeous friend Jay from and the trees for the lovely photos, although I dont like that Jay isn't in any of them. Next time I'll be sharing that amazing camera of hers. 

Leis :)

Friendships

I always dreamed of having friends that loved me and treated me as well as I do them. I would often see quotes and poems about friendship and think that sounds great but I really haven't had much of that. I didn’t get what all the fuss was about,

Most friends I’ve had in the past haven’t been what these things were portraying. Now of course I’m not talking about every friendship I have ever had but a lot of them.

In hindsight maybe I was attracting these people, maybe I thought that was all I was worthy of?

Before I moved to Bellingen and just after I had a few horrible fallings out with “friends” of mine.

I came here hurt, confused and feeling like I definitely had enough of been used and spat out and misunderstood.I had enough of adults assuming whatever they hear from others must be true. I came to Bellingen lucky to have my husband also being my bestfriend by my side and I was happy with that and thought that’s all I needed.

I built a shield around me because I was afraid to make friends again and I didn’t want to go through arguments and drama that I had just being through.

Not long after we moved to bello, My Mother in law looked at me one day and she said “leis you need to let that wall down, you have lost that softness about you”  She wanted me to be open to meeting new people and I was just scared, afraid that I was going to find the same kind of friends and I would get hurt all over again and I just wanted peace and to be happy.

Julie (MIL) mentioned I seemed harder then I really am. She went on and explained you’re a soft friendly loving person and its not coming through. I told her I had done this for a reason. I had hardened my heart because of the fear of getting hurt. I told her I needed to toughen up. She didn’t agree, We agreed to leave this conversation alone for a while. I told her I needed to settle in and do some healing.

I told her I have her and Ben and my boys here and that’s all I needed.

A year on and somehow these amazing people of Bellingen have wooed me into their and their children's lives  and I have never felt so loved and appreciated.

Ok break time… I’m tearing up.

Ok I’m back,

now where was I, hmmm yes The amazing people of Bellingen. I guess now I know what all those poem’s and quotes where about. 

Friends are the family you choose for yourself! I love that one and I get it now.

My dad ('step in' dad) Clive came to visit me recently. As we walked around to find a café we could have a coffee at, I was stopped several times, greeting hugging and chatting to friends & acquaintances and people I see everyday but don’t know their names.

He commented to my son Brai “Does mum know everyone here?” Braidyn replied, “ mum has so many friends poppy”. 

It’s a small town, I grew up in a small coastal town the all too familiar “I’m just going down the road to get milk”, everyone knew this would take at least an hour. Mostly this is wonderful, knowing when you go to just get milk, you will run into at least two people you know and end up chatting to. Only when your'e in a rush is this a problem. But as they say nothing happens fast in bello.

Ok back to my friends, I’ve never been hugged so much in my life and really hugged, my friends have embraced me and my family and it feels like I have known them not for months but for years. You have deep conversations where you are really listening to that person and you are being heard by that person and you get to see these people everyday!. Friendships seem to  build fast and sometimes intensely. There is nothing pretentious and fake about these friendships.

These amazing friends help me in so many ways, they help me like myself, believe in myself, they help me clean my house, they support us as a family, they take care and love my children, they cook dinner when we are not well, they make me feel safe and appreciate and laugh they make me laugh. 

You notice you smile and light up when you see them or they ring. (sorry not sure about this sentence, - not sure which point of view you are talking about)

There is no small talk but in-depth conversations about your troubles your past, your day to day goings on and your ideas. We have a pretty challenging life at home ( I won't go into why) but we have never had so much support with this. Just this morning one of my friends came and washed up while I had a 5 minute shower. After sleeping in because I was unwell and exhausted from the day before. I had 23 minutes to get washed and showered and dressed and to work. After venting to Nicole about the day before, I went on and told her I’m sick of my house looking like a tornado had hit it. While I was getting ready she washed up for me and then walked me to work. 

I can honestly say I have never had so much love and support in my life. EVER.

Nicole explained she wanted to help and she said we all just want to help and support you leisa. I felt tears coming to visit my eyes and did my best to explain like I have said to other friends. Ben and I aren’t used to this, we are not accustomed to all this generosity and support. So sometimes it’s hard to ask for it or even accept it. I've always thought I was this kind of friend but haven't felt I've had it much in return and now i do in abundance.

I know these are real friendships. I know they're not of convenience, I know these people wouldn’t assume if they heard anything about you they would just take that as the truth. They aren’t your friend to see what they can get from you. We all moved here for the same reason. To build our own families to live in a vibrant warm and safe community.

I just hope my friends truly know how much they mean to me and how much love I have for them. I hope they know they made my heart soften again and to learn to trust again. 

These photos are of my hand and some friends i was lucky enough to see or spend time with during the last few days. Some i still haven't managed to capture but i think you know who you are.  

A fabulous past few days

Not having to work on saturday. 

Lunch at NO5 with Sophia and kidlets.

Minding My friends sweet josh while she was in hospital. 

Spending the afternoon by the river with a awesome family.

Making a shit load of rocky road.

Pizza Delivery. 

watching Dumb and dumber.

A sleep over with Maia.

Watching my boys ride together in the bush. 

 Scott coming for curry and brai took this is as an opportunity for some guitar lessons and sharing party tricks.

A catch up and picnic with friends at the beach at Urunga.

Sunny warm winter days.

I still have so many pinch myself moments. I cant believe, I am living this life. The life I  dreamed off for myself and my family for so many years. I have the most wonderful friends. I live in a town that really does match its postcards. I am, we are apart of such a caring and vibrant community. I really hope I never take any of it for granted.

Family isn’t always blood. It’s the people in your life who want you in theirs; the ones who accept you for who you are. The ones who would do anything to see you smile, and who love you no matter what  

A night in the mountain's.

A few weeks ago I was asked to come away for the night by a friend, she promised a night of fun with good food and good company and hopefully some laughs. That all sounded wonderful for me as we all needed a break from the challenges of being a parent. Of course I agreed, this sounded perfect and exactly what I needed.

So I grabbed my winter warmies and packed my car and we headed up to the mountain. We were heading to Dorrigo to a wonderful little cottage owned by a very kind man Chris. As we pulled up to Chris's we were greeted by Tash and Julie-Anne and the excitement was in the air. I really wanted to walk around the property and take in all I could before the sun went down. Already the air felt cold and crisp.

We all had prepared and brought something along to share.
I wont bore you with all the details but I would like to say how greatfull I am to Natasha for organising this relaxing getaway. I am truly so greatfull to have so many supportive friends in my life.
The night was full of much needed laughs, great music and yummy food. I do love a group of women together that feel free to talk about well everything and we did. My body was relaxed by my belly and mouth was sore from laughing.

Along with my friend Sophia we took over 233 photos of this gorgeous little cottage I hope you enjoy them.