Friendships

I always dreamed of having friends that loved me and treated me as well as I do them. I would often see quotes and poems about friendship and think that sounds great but I really haven't had much of that. I didn’t get what all the fuss was about,

Most friends I’ve had in the past haven’t been what these things were portraying. Now of course I’m not talking about every friendship I have ever had but a lot of them.

In hindsight maybe I was attracting these people, maybe I thought that was all I was worthy of?

Before I moved to Bellingen and just after I had a few horrible fallings out with “friends” of mine.

I came here hurt, confused and feeling like I definitely had enough of been used and spat out and misunderstood.I had enough of adults assuming whatever they hear from others must be true. I came to Bellingen lucky to have my husband also being my bestfriend by my side and I was happy with that and thought that’s all I needed.

I built a shield around me because I was afraid to make friends again and I didn’t want to go through arguments and drama that I had just being through.

Not long after we moved to bello, My Mother in law looked at me one day and she said “leis you need to let that wall down, you have lost that softness about you”  She wanted me to be open to meeting new people and I was just scared, afraid that I was going to find the same kind of friends and I would get hurt all over again and I just wanted peace and to be happy.

Julie (MIL) mentioned I seemed harder then I really am. She went on and explained you’re a soft friendly loving person and its not coming through. I told her I had done this for a reason. I had hardened my heart because of the fear of getting hurt. I told her I needed to toughen up. She didn’t agree, We agreed to leave this conversation alone for a while. I told her I needed to settle in and do some healing.

I told her I have her and Ben and my boys here and that’s all I needed.

A year on and somehow these amazing people of Bellingen have wooed me into their and their children's lives  and I have never felt so loved and appreciated.

Ok break time… I’m tearing up.

Ok I’m back,

now where was I, hmmm yes The amazing people of Bellingen. I guess now I know what all those poem’s and quotes where about. 

Friends are the family you choose for yourself! I love that one and I get it now.

My dad ('step in' dad) Clive came to visit me recently. As we walked around to find a café we could have a coffee at, I was stopped several times, greeting hugging and chatting to friends & acquaintances and people I see everyday but don’t know their names.

He commented to my son Brai “Does mum know everyone here?” Braidyn replied, “ mum has so many friends poppy”. 

It’s a small town, I grew up in a small coastal town the all too familiar “I’m just going down the road to get milk”, everyone knew this would take at least an hour. Mostly this is wonderful, knowing when you go to just get milk, you will run into at least two people you know and end up chatting to. Only when your'e in a rush is this a problem. But as they say nothing happens fast in bello.

Ok back to my friends, I’ve never been hugged so much in my life and really hugged, my friends have embraced me and my family and it feels like I have known them not for months but for years. You have deep conversations where you are really listening to that person and you are being heard by that person and you get to see these people everyday!. Friendships seem to  build fast and sometimes intensely. There is nothing pretentious and fake about these friendships.

These amazing friends help me in so many ways, they help me like myself, believe in myself, they help me clean my house, they support us as a family, they take care and love my children, they cook dinner when we are not well, they make me feel safe and appreciate and laugh they make me laugh. 

You notice you smile and light up when you see them or they ring. (sorry not sure about this sentence, - not sure which point of view you are talking about)

There is no small talk but in-depth conversations about your troubles your past, your day to day goings on and your ideas. We have a pretty challenging life at home ( I won't go into why) but we have never had so much support with this. Just this morning one of my friends came and washed up while I had a 5 minute shower. After sleeping in because I was unwell and exhausted from the day before. I had 23 minutes to get washed and showered and dressed and to work. After venting to Nicole about the day before, I went on and told her I’m sick of my house looking like a tornado had hit it. While I was getting ready she washed up for me and then walked me to work. 

I can honestly say I have never had so much love and support in my life. EVER.

Nicole explained she wanted to help and she said we all just want to help and support you leisa. I felt tears coming to visit my eyes and did my best to explain like I have said to other friends. Ben and I aren’t used to this, we are not accustomed to all this generosity and support. So sometimes it’s hard to ask for it or even accept it. I've always thought I was this kind of friend but haven't felt I've had it much in return and now i do in abundance.

I know these are real friendships. I know they're not of convenience, I know these people wouldn’t assume if they heard anything about you they would just take that as the truth. They aren’t your friend to see what they can get from you. We all moved here for the same reason. To build our own families to live in a vibrant warm and safe community.

I just hope my friends truly know how much they mean to me and how much love I have for them. I hope they know they made my heart soften again and to learn to trust again. 

These photos are of my hand and some friends i was lucky enough to see or spend time with during the last few days. Some i still haven't managed to capture but i think you know who you are.